The PCOS Files

2007-01-22T17:10:00.000-05:00

The doctor said...

Well, we had our post-op doctor's appointment today. Everything looks good. The doctor said he wants my HCG (pregnancy levels) to come down below 5. Last Monday they were down to around 45.

The rest of the visit went well. He did say that this pregnancy has been labeled as an "infered ectopic" pregnancy. I still believe that it was in the right place. It does not matter though, we still have to have more tests done and such.

The funniest, and most akward, part of the visit was when the doctor told my husband and I that we could "make love" again and that I could start back exercising. The way that the doctors say "make love" just makes me giggle. It seems so uncomfortable for them. Almost like if your father were to talk to you about "making love" - he knows that it happens, but doesn't need to know that you are doing it.

I had a really good office visit today - my doctor is great. He even was able to put a smile on my face.

2007-01-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

Two down!!!!

Well, I have made some major improvements this week...

1st - I have cooked evry night!! That is a big accomplishment for me. It is much easier to go out or eat something quick, but it is much healthier to control what goes into your meal. I am very proud of myself.

2nd- I have taken my lunch or bought a salad at work. I realized this week that I just love carbs!!! I had already eaten lunch and was not even remotely hungry, when I saw some bagels and chocolate chip cookies on one of the tables in the lounge at work. My mouth started to water - no joke, it really did. At that moment I realized how much I love carbs. I didn't cave into the temptation, but my mind kept telling me "just eat one bite, it won't hurt"!!! I felt better that I was able to over come the craving and not eat the bagel or the cookie. And chocolate chip cookies are my favorite!!!

3rd- I ate something for breakfast everyday. It was usually a banana, but it was something.

Now the new goals for next week:
1-eat more for breakfast. Like a bowl fo oatmeal with the banana.
2-start to exercise. We have an eliptical machine. I want to start using it everyday - once a day to start. As soon as the doctor clears me (I see him on Monday), I am ready to start to exercise again.

This week is going to be good.

2007-01-14T18:42:00.000-05:00

All about me....

I have decided that, for atleast the next few months, it is going to be "All about me"!!!

Let me explain...We have been ttc for the past 3+ years. I have been focused on trying to have a little one. It hasn't happened yet. We have been through alot. I know that there are people out there who have been through so much more; but the fact is I need to get healthier.

For now Brad and I are going to get back into shape. Tomorrow we are cutting out the sweets and extra sugar. As good as it is, it really is not good for my body. Since we have to wait to try again for a few months anyway, I am going to take this opportunity to take back my body and emotions.

I have several goals, both short and long term.
Short term: I want to lose 8lbs by the end of Jan.(Not a problem)
Mid-term: I want to looks great in the bridesmaid dress that I am wearing in
my best friend's wedding in May (I can dot it!!)
Long term: I would like to lose and keep off 25lbs by April. (I can dot it!!)

This will help me get healthier and hopefully help with some of the problems from PCOS. It has worked for several of the girls in my group.

So starting tomorrow - I am taking control again!!!

2007-01-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

Not so Happy New Year...

Well, We found out on Christmas Eve that our second round of Clomid worked. We had a positive pregnancy test! Actually we had THREE positive pregnancy tests!!!! The hard part was keeping it quite. First of all, I wanted to shout it to the world. Then I wanted to tell the entire family - all of which were here for Christmas. I wanted to post it on my blog. But, Brad and I decided to keep it quiet, at least until after the doctor's visit.

On January 3rd we saw the doctor. He sounded positive. We were positive. The ultrasound did not show anything in the tubes (YEAH!!!) Then came the follow up blood work on the 5th of Jan. That was the bad news. My HCG levels began to fall. They weren't even high enough to begin with. I was trying to be positive- atleast we knew the 100mg of Clomid works for us. We can try again if this one doesn't take. Then the doctor said "I think you guys should try IVF" - does he realize that I don't have $14,000 in my back pocket? Does he realize that we have $110,000 in student loans to pay back? Does he realize that IVF is not an option right now?

On Monday Jan 8th, my wonderful doctor (who I have not been so close with in the past) sat down with me for 45 minutes!!!!! We talked about a lot of stuff regarding my infertility issues. I say a different side of him that day. On the 10th I had a D&C. That was the best thing that I ever did. This pregnancy could no longer have a long drawn out end. It was over. I could move on. That is what we have done now.

Don't get me wrong, both Brad and I are sad about what has happened. I am just glad it happened when it did at 5.5 weeks. I couldn't have handled it at 16 wks, at 24 wks and god forbid at 40wks!! I am physically fine. That gives us a chance in the future.

Our pregnancy problems started 2 years ago - almost to the day. After trying for a year, without success, we find out on Jan 4, 2005 that we were pregnant and on Jan 6th that it was an ectopic. That year we had 2 other unsuccessful pregnancies. Last year we had another ectopic and then this one. I need some answers!!!

Now about the IVF - we actually haven't ruled it out completely. We won't be able to do it tomorrow, but maybe we can save the money up and do it someday. We do have to see the fertility specialist - that is for sure.

So maybe 2007 didn't start off really good, but I still have positive feeling about this year!!

2006-12-25T19:59:00.000-05:00

A Very Merry Christmas

Well, this year has flown by, unlike when we were kids. I remember that Christmas seemed to take forever to get here when I was a kid. But Christmas is still my favorite time of year.

I got all the shopping done and gifts wrapped (finished at 12:30am this morning). My favorite part is the kids opening the gifts. This Christmas we had both families in town. My husband sister and her baby, and his parentscame in for the weekend. My brother and his family from Nebraska, as well as my sister and her girls from Tennessee. My sister and her family stayed with my mother and other sister. The rest stayed with me.

It was crazy. We got our carpet and tile done - well it actually got finished on Saturday. Then I was able to make my house look a little me holidayish. As crazy as everything was (the mixing of the families and all) I still had a great holiday weekend.

The favorite thing that I heard my three year old niece say was "Christmas is all about baby Jesus". She helped evryone open gifts, but kept the true meaning in prespective. Kids do say the greatest things.

My husband and I are looking forward to the time when our family is around the Christmas tree together.

Merry Christmas to all.

2006-11-29T19:03:00.000-05:00

Tis the season...

Well, I did not lose my five pounds, but I did not gain either. I actually lost 3.5lbs before Thanksgiving and gained 2lbs after the weekend.

I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving - and loved it!!! Call me crazy, but I loved saving a few bucks and getting out there with the crazy folks. It was the first day after Thanksgiving that I had off in 5 years. I did miss my sisters going shopping with me - the three of us were in 3 different states. However, the modern day technology (cell phones) made it possible for us to be "alomst" together during the craze.

It was wierd. Shopping for other people - which I love to do - was a good therapy for me. It got my mind off the whole PCOS thing and got me focused on something else for a while.

I love the holiday season - the decorations, the smells, the atomosphere. I love everything about it. Most of all I love the symbolisim. Miracles happen all the time - I witness them first hand. My dear friends and my miracle will come, too. This is the season for hope.

I love the Christmas season....

2006-11-18T20:46:00.000-05:00

Food for comfort...

Well, this week was horrible. Work was crazy and I went back to what I know best - food for comfort. I have had not much sleep in the past 48hrs. But I am not giving up.

Last weekend I set a goal to lose 10lbs by Thanksgiving. Then I realized that Thanksgiving was a week and a half away. I revised that - I will lose 5lbs by Thanksgiving. Well, I was doing very well, until the end of the week. The good news is I haven't gained anything. I am not giving up. I will lose 5lbs by Thanksgiving!

2006-11-10T18:05:00.000-05:00

It is Official...

Well, this is my first official blog (the other was just a test). I started this blog to hopefully connect with women that are going through the same stuff as I am.

My husband and I have been trying for almost 3 years now to conceive. The first ten months were fun!!!! Then I went to the GYN for a check-up. He asked how things were and I burst into tears!! He then put down my file and handed me tissues. We talked and he said it sounded like I had PCOS. He prescribed me Clomid and I cried some more. I told him that my husband and I would talk about it and I would let him know.

Four months passed by - we did not try Clomid. I decided that I wanted to shed some extra pounds that I have been carrying and then we would talk about the Clomid. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night with the most horrible pain that I had ever experienced. Long story short - I had an ovarian cyst that was rupturing. Lucky for me, b/c the ER doc found out that I was also pregnant. Unfortunately the pregnancy was in my tube. I did not have surgery, instead I received Methotrexate injections. Then the waiting game began again.

Six months passed and my husband and I went on our first vacation in four years. We loved it. We had a great time, but I was a week late. I didn't want to ruin the vacation by be disappointed by another negative pregnancy test. So I waited until I got home. Then I found out that the dizziness I experienced was not the flying, but that we were pregnant. It was my husband's birthday. We were both so excited!!!! Five days later I began to spot. The doctor confirmed what we already knew with and ultrasound. I had to request that the doctor check my progesterone levels - they were 1.6 (anything below I think 6 means that the pregnancy will not survive; the docs like the progesterone to be above 11 during the first trimester). So again we waited....

Four months later, I was again late (which is not unusual for me). This time we were in the mountains visiting friends and enjoying the view. Another pregnancy test was positive and again I started to spot. I did not even want to go to the doctor, so I called and told them that I would come in if there were any problems. A couple of weeks later I went and got back on the pill. I was "cRaZy" - I would fuss at my dear husband for no reason, while in my head I was thinking "what did he do". I needed some stability in my hormones. I was much better.

I stayed in the hormones for a couple of months, then again I came off of them. Three months later, I have extreme pain in my abdomen - another ectopic. This time I had surgery. The doctor saw no endometriosis and said that my tubes we open and clean. We are not sure why I have had the two ectopics. All the bloodwork has come back normal.

Last month we tried Clomid. Ultrasound confirmed the PCO diagnosis. However, no mature follicle. The hardest thing I had to do was to call my husband(who was out of town for business) and tell him that once again I did not work properly.

The doctor said to double the dose of Clomid next time. I am not sure if I want to go through that again. It is just so frustrating.

Anyway. Welcome to my Blog. You are now caught up on our PCOS journey to pregnancy thus far. I still have faith that one day we will have our baby (sons if my sister has anything to do with it). I hope that I did not run anyone off. I hope that maybe there are some of you out there that have been through this and do have success stories to tell, or that there are some out there that can tell me that I am not crazy.

I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends. Without them I couldn't have gotten this far.

2006-11-09T18:49:00.000-05:00

Just checking to see if this works